“Love is a tie that binds; matrimony straps them together”

Oh, Gods of over-priced and completely unnecessary footwear, why do you provoke me this way? I can neither afford...nor offer any reasonable explanation for desiring...Sigerson Morrison's African-ish, gladiator-ish boots. They'd leave crazy tan lines in the summer...and offer absolutely no protection from the elements the rest of the time...so why am I lusting after them?