Two words that you don’t want to find staring up at you from your inbox (especially when, pressed for time , you’re just trying to find anything urgent that you have to take care of)...”statement” and “pants”.

Separately, perfectly fine words...combined, they strike fear into the hearts of man (well, this woman at least) and trigger the inevitable thoughts of the “objects will appear larger than in real life” variety in relation to the posterior region.

Life being a tad hectic at the moment, shopping...as a purposeful activity as opposed to a pleasurable pursuit...is limited to rapid-fire online forays...generally at obscure hours of the day. The latest 2am buy...this little number from Barneys own label. With heavy-duty, furnishing fabric-esque cotton...and leather trim...it hits all the buttons ("classic-with-a-twist" and "yet another fabric and leather item in my closet" being the main ones).

The only niggly annoyance is that the industrial strength zipper (after being worn a couple of times and loosened up) shows a marked tendency to respond to the effects of gravity and un-zip...a small hook-and-eye closure at the top would have solved the problem but is lacking (at least until I have enough spare time to sew one on).

I realize that a good portion of the American-based population are at the beach today...laying in the sand...nibbling on mildly inedible (and overly grilled) bits of meat...and anticipating a ballistic barrage of fireworks once the sun goes down. I wish them well (from an air-conditioned apartment)...and hope that none of the female population are greeted by a man wearing these...

Hundreds of nauseatingly bad pick-up lines come to mind..."I have my eye on you"..."I'll be seeing you"...or "Here's looking at you kid"...scratching only the sandy surface...

I realize that I say this every year but...bear with me (and join in the chorus if you so desire)..."how, oh how, do we go from approximately one evening of spring to 90 degrees and high humidity?"...it's like mother nature enjoys a good practical joke...and I'm her chosen victim.

Time to consider...as I invariably do...before abruptly dismissing them...shorts. This year...the denim bermuda (minus the rather off-putting cork platform). Will this, I ask myself as I continue to curse M.N. under my breath, be the year that I actually succumb to the short pant?

How long will it take for me to realize that I am the living embodiment of "never say never"?  Probably a lifetime...who knows, I may even be buried claiming that "I always wanted a coffin but, what the hell, go ahead and cremate me". For, fresh on the heels of questioning why anyone would fork over their cash...months in advance of the anticipated delivery date...and with a less-than-customer-friendly return policy...on something from Moda Operandi's website...I found myself handing over my credit card information for a sweater (egads...a sweater?...right at the beginning of summer...and in full knowledge of the mountain of woolens already gaining dangerous heights in my closet). Not just any sweater, it's true...a distressed Fair Isle from Edun's Fall/Winter collection...classic...yet destroyed...always a dangerously alluring combination in my eyes. Now I just have to wait until August to get my sticky little hands on it...

I know that there are folks out there who revel in vintage shopping...who have closets filled with "finds"...and seem to have a unique ability to unearth unique items that suit their personality. In the main, I'm not one of those people...my "finds" usually falling into one of three categories...too small...too expensive...or "what exactly is that stain/smell?"

Which is probably why I was so pleased to find this little slice of orange heaven at a local thrift store...geeky, pointed collared...the best polyester that Givenchy could produce in the 1970's...with nary a stain in sight...

I can't decide...Golden Goose's dheli dress is either...a laid-back, linen, striped piece of summer bliss...or...an expensive take on the hospital gown. Thoughts?

If there wasn't a lingering feeling that the need still exists for a thick sweater every now and again...ie, despite the fact that the sun has finally started to shine there's still quite a nip in the air...I would have embraced the bi-annual closet transition prior to this. As is, I'm loathed to move any "winter" clothes into storage as (depressingly) I haven't actually stopped wearing them.

This lack of transition means that I've also been rather tardy on evaluating the remnants of last summer...the things that I wore to death and (somewhat optimistically) packed away in anticipation of another year's wear. Something that I realized when I pulled my fail-safe black linen dress out of mothballs...and saw (in the cold, and exceedingly harsh light of day) that it was looking a little worse-for-wear.

Enter a (in my opinion) very un-Gap maxi dress from...the Gap...able to be dressed up...or down...worn alone...or layered to within an inch of its life...a theoretically-easy-but-difficult-to-find-in-reality basic...

If you are reading this there is a fairly good chance that you are a Pixelworker..."web workers - designers, developers, copywriters, user experience architects, and bloggers - dedicated to building a better Internet"...in which case, you really ought to consider showing your allegiance and joining the union...United Pixelworkers...if only to get one of their "on sale for 18 days, 4 hours, 8 minutes and 51 seconds and then they're gone" featured tees...

I once knew a man whose party trick...example of a mis-spent youth...call it what you will...was the ability to name every actor who played every villain on Batman...the 1960's television show...even the obscure ones like Shamrock and Chartreuse. It was a skill, and a rather entertaining one at that.

Not a skill...but equally entertaining...this hybrid of the Joker and Curious George...

"But the victim, I tell you, was Colonel Mustard...the crime was committed in the library...and both the lead piping and rope were used. The murderer was clearly a multi-tasking librarian who disliked condiments..."

Though it's very "I'm just off to the gladiator arena to see if the lion wins this time...then I have an orgy planned later in the day"...and, therefore, not a look that I'd normally go for...I've found myself ogling this "Hail Caesar"-ish little number from Acne for the last 15 minutes. Clearly, I need to watch A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum as soon as possible and get this urge toga away (sorry, couldn't help myself)...

Chalk this one up as "all the elements are there"...

Cotton...with leather trimmed pockets. In the abstract...a relaxed, loose, silhouette...

On the body...a sack.

Before I delve deeper into the conclusion of my own, personal, Snark hunt allow me to add the snippet of information that I usually steer well clear of whites and off-whites (be they of the winter or summer variety). Not that I dislike them in theory...I just rest safe in the knowledge that I am a klutz, a buffoon, a stain magnet par excellence who will mar their pristine beauty in the space of about 5 minutes.

Which is why basic number two was such a shocker (and not purely from a pricing perspective)...for it is white...crisp white...pure white...”Don’t ask me if I want to eat or drink anything more exciting than a glass of stain-free water while I am wearing this” white. A blend of silk and linen that must make dry cleaners rub their hands with glee just thinking about it.


At this point...when you are surely about to ask why in hell I made such an insane purchase...let me add that, in addition to all this white-ness, it is simply...achingly...beautiful. Beautiful in the graphic way that Diana Rigg's were when she played Emma Peel in the 1960's show, The Avengers. Beautiful in the way that only a jacket which is structured yet casual can be (down to the perfectly rolled collar and wind-breaker-esque zipper and tie). Beautiful in the way that almost anything trimmed with navy lambskin would be.


And...despite my earlier comments...and with the certain knowledge that I am going to do something idiotic (sooner rather than later)...once the threat of snow finally disappears...I plan on wearing this jacket. Everywhere.

It seems like there’s always a lot of talk about “the basics”. Summer...winter...a year round conversation on the standard capsule piece that goes with everything and makes you feel good whenever you put it on. Unfortunately, finding the aforementioned basics generally takes on the same, elusive quality as the hunting of the snark (an "impossible voyage of an improbable crew to find an inconceivable creature"). For me, it’s a quest that I find especially difficult in summer...when finding something that I love (and could vaguely be called flattering) yet which doesn’t cause heatstroke can, on occasion, seem impossible.

Which is why I was utterly flabbergasted...and lulled into performing a rather dangerous introduction of plastic to swipe machine...when I found not one, but two, perfect summer basics at Barneys. I know, I know...cries of “Is this really a shocker?”...but there are, let’s face it, a myriad of designer clothes...officially created for summer...that are neither weather nor wearer friendly...and Barneys own label does put out simple, yet luxe, clothing (and accessories) that well-designed, well made, and satisfyingly seasonless (I’ll admit that it’s lovely to have the latest thing...but it’s also nice to know that, come summer, you have an old friend that you can rely on).

And so, to basic number one...a take on the djellaba...made in Italy from crisp, navy cotton. Loose, but not shapeless...basic, yet interesting...as serviceable for work as it is for wandering the streets of a foreign city on vacation. The sort of thing that makes you actively look forward to summer...

From an interior design perspective I can definitely say that I am anti-doily...those irritating, overtly genteel, ineffectual circles of lace...supposed to "protect" furniture...though from what I've never been quite able to decide.

Dye the aforementioned offender to good taste black, however...and bung it atop a simple tee...nestled upon a bed of Swarovski...and another DIY idea is added to the "things to do when I have more than 5 minutes of free time" list...

It's been all too easy to become more than a little jaded by the ubiquity of Liberty prints recently. They went from being, at least in the US, an object of reasonable rarity...to an unavoidable occurrence...having been strewn around on everything...from Target's (depressingly cheap feeling) clothing to gladiator heels at J Crew. The latest in this long, long line of collaborations however feels...right...proper in a "pip, pip, old chap...stiff upper lip...let's go do some huntin' and fishin'" kind of way...for it is with that other bastion of all things British, Barbour. The end results are a rather pleasing mix of the pretty and the practical...

Addiction is...according to the great God Wikipedia..."a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it. Pleasure and enjoyment would have originally been sought, however over a period of time involvement with the substance or activity is needed to feel normal." Depressing though it may be, that pretty much sums up my relationship with sweaters...

The latest...a basic, heavy, navy, cotton number. Relieved from boredom by 3/4 sleeves and zippers up each side (the latter embraced by a little shimmer).

Like any addict I'm claiming that this hit is my last...but I know it's not...

Remember the (let's admit it, irritating) girl back in high school...the one who could take a pair of scissors and a t-shirt and end up with something cute (as opposed to Cinderella's "before" picture)? Well, she's back...courtesy of Maison Martin Margiela. I hate myself for saying this but...I like it. Would I buy it? No...but I do kinda like it.