I've tried sweet reason, now I'm begging...please, just take those below-the-knee bermuda shorts out of your closet and burn them...or, better still, give them to me and I'll burn them.

On this evening's commute every other woman seemed to be wearing them. And yet, not one person looked good. And why? Wear them with flats and, abracadabra, you have no calves. Try them with heels and it's one of those Sesame Street-esque "one of these things is not like the other" moments.

Let's face it, these shorts make people look like they should be surrounded by boy scouts, having an in-depth discussion on their woggle or the badge they got for bird-watching.

Let's try to escape the Bermuda Triangle, shall we?